so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
