Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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