i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
