Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
