Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
