My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
