when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
