I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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