Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
