I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
