Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
