before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
