if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
