I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
