Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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