There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
