I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
