i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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