1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
