ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
