My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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