i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
