dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
