I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
