You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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