have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
