It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
