I'm going to jail i love you
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
