weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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