I should be sponsored by Trojan
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
