I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
