well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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