I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
