1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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