How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
