i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
