If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
