Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
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I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
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We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture