I think i peed on brittanys purse
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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