you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
