you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
