Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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