omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
