The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Dick very happy bro
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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