I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
