The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
