the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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