o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
