Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
