i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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