can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
