I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
