Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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