New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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