I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You ruined the universe
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
