and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
