Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We were destined to go to rehab together
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
