I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
