the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
