That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
