she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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