he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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